The prodigal son returns from his adventures in Orlando

originally written 8.10.05

Status: The prodigal son returns from his adventures in Orlando to an empty house and sadly little applause. Unless of course I count the loud overjoyed barking of a surprising spry ten year old lapdog who likes to greet every person he meets with the same maniacal fervor. Coming home was like slipping on old glove. I’m back in my safe zone and no worse the wear. Orlando was just about what I expected it would be. A change of scenery before school starts. Seth and I arrived to some fanfare courtesy of Joel and Nick. They seemed more content with life in Orlando than when Seth and I had visited a few months back. I really believe that if Nick is able to find a meaningful relationship despite his own boorish and unsure attempts at wooing, than there is hope for the worst of us. I’m rooting for him, but I don’t think I’ll hold my breath. I myself happen to be going through something of a dry spell. As much as I would enjoy a steady fuck I’m almost positive that I won’t be happy settling for a girl that cares solely about finding the next party and drinking till she passes out.

I somehow managed to misinterpret the intentions of the one girl I’ve met who shared my enjoyment of reading for pleasure. I really thought she perfect. She wasn’t beautiful but I found her attractive. I really liked speaking to her about some of my favorite authors and discovering she too had an affinity for them. I’m assuming it was a lack of attraction on my part that kept her uninterested. I just wished she could have been honest and confessed what it was she found unattractive. I wanted to be able to ask her questions about the way I acted so I could later analyze and put to good use on the next girl I met and liked. Most girls don’t share any of my interests so it was refreshing and gave me hope for the future.

Since then I’ve only briefly spent time a girl I was sure I felt an attraction too. The experience triggered many memories of almost exact occurrences that have happened to me. I met her at a small gathering and immediately felt the raw attraction she felt for me. It was an intoxicatingly experience. It was apparent that she had taken a shine to me but she was a little younger and I had decided not to involve myself with anyone I met at the party hoping to circumvent the possible headache that occurs when dating an underage girl. There are more than enough girls I find aesthetically pleasing. Her persistence in getting to know me took me by complete surprise.

A few years back I had decided that it was better to wait and be sure that I really like the girl and am not just possessed of a momentary infatuation. Ending a relationship is not fun. I have quite a few memories of myself not only losing interest but experiencing an emotion that is best described as a growing sensation of emptiness and later anger. When I was younger I was a bit harsh with a few girls. In my depression I lashed out verbally and said things that ruined the relationship completely. I have never been successful making it up to the girl. (Glad that I now remember those girls) To get back on topic I believe my attraction for the girl I had met at the party was only heightened when I realized that she really liked me. I’m sure once she set her eyes on me she was ruined for any other guy.

Getting back on topic, once I was able to spend some time alone to get better acquainted  I quickly ascertained her mental state to be that of a err sixteen  that  there was no bullshit, no dancing around the subject, and no time for me to decide that I wanted to kiss her. She was definitely one of the most attractive women that I have had the privilege of getting to know. I didn’t think the fact that she was sixteen would make a difference. However the more I tried to engage her in conversation the more obvious it became that drinking and partying were all she was concerned with.